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Wednesday, September 14, 2005 

Behind the Scenes: "Talks" With North Korea

U.S. and North Korea to Meet One-on-One During Six-Nation Nuclear Talks

BEIJING (AP) - The top U.S. negotiator on North Korea's nuclear program urged the communist nation Wednesday to focus on concessions already offered in return for a commitment to disarm rather than press new demands.

Why do they meet "one-on-one" with no press? Here, let me try my hand at fortune telling. The conversation:

NK: You will give us a lot of money, food, and oil to sustain our failing country, and we will stop shipping out nukes to other nations.

US: Last time we did this, you lied, and still shipped out the weapons.

NK: No, last time, we didn't ship any nukes, just normal weapons and missiles capable of carrying nukes. Big difference, not our fault you didn't pay attention to the agreement.

US: George doesn't want us making deals with you like this. So, this time you must promise not give nukes, weapons, or anything that could be misconstrued as a weapon to rouge groups (terrorists), or nations we don't like.

NK: Well, that's about everyone that we trade with, you will have to give us more money and food then.

US: Ok, we don't mind giving you taxpayers dollars to reward your bad behavior.

NK and US: HAHAHAHAHA Chuckle Chuckle HAHA Chuckle (sound fades, curtain closes).

Ahhh, the art of "diplomacy"